'Se7en Below' - Worst Movie of 2012

Okay.  So I grew up watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 and I’ll admit it, have a soft spot in my heart for cheesy horror films… low budget films… films that are so poorly crafted that I can’t help but love them.  Does anyone else share my love/hate relationship with The Room?  It is so bad it is hauntingly brilliant. 

However, 7 Below is quite literally the worst movie I’ve seen in over a decade.  And when I use the word “worst” I am not saying it in an endearing way.  It is legitimately horrible.  I've seen high school student make more compelling movies on a Sunday afternoon.


7 Below is unrankable, which is why I am just going to call it the worst movies of the year, even though it is only May, and be done with it.  And that is saying a lot because 2012 has already brought us Columbus Circle, another God-awful flick.  But unlike 7 Below, Columbus Circle, actually had potential to be good... it just failed.  7 Below had no potential.  

Anyway, there really is no point of me continuing. Known simply as ‘Russell’, the movie critic over at Flesh Eating Zipper has posted, what I consider to be, the quintessential review of 7 Below. No matter how witty and insightful I think I am… there is no way I can improve upon Russell’s perfection. So, instead of trying I am going to give credit where credit is due and simple repost:

*****

The mafia needed to launder some money. That’s the only explanation I can think of for the existence of 7 Below, this week’s straight-to-DVD turd starring Val Kilmer and Ving Rhames. You’d think a movie starring Val Kilmer and Ving Rhames couldn’t be all bad. You’d be wrong. I sure was. I desperately want to say something semi-witty or insightful about this movie, but I can’t. F*** this movie. Just…f*** it.

Five idiots take a shuttle bus from a resort (apparently in the middle of nowhere) to the nearest airport when they crash on a deserted highway. Ving Rhames shows up dressed like Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven and ushers them to his house, claiming that a storm is approaching and that they will all be safe there; the shuttle driver dies in the accident, but no one seems very bothered by the prospect of callously leaving his body behind to feed vultures. The ragged crew head without protest to a two story house that’s either haunted or resting upon a tear in the space-time continuum—the writers don’t seem to know or care and neither do I for that matter.

7 Below starts out feeling like the type of horror flick that was parodied in the brilliant Cabin in the Woods (which we here at Flesh Eating Zipper absolutely loved), but it gets worse. At least the generic horror story at the heart of that movie was competently crafted and occasionally scary. This movie is boring and ugly to look at. It doesn’t even pass into so-bad-it’s-good territory; it’s just infuriating.

Shortly after the clueless sacrificial lambs arrive at the house, they start dying. The first character’s death is obviously the result of foul play, but no one expresses any real concern. Could the killer possibly be the creepy fucking black guy who lives out in the middle of nowhere, doesn’t possess a telephone or a computer, and dresses like a nineteenth century frontiersman? These idiots don’t seem to think so. They also don’t seem to have cell phones, because not once does anyone attempt to contact the outside world for help.

And despite the fact that the movie is titled 7 Below the weather never seems to get all that cold. All of the characters spend the movie running around in t-shirts and dresses, never displaying the slightest discomfort. The menacing storm that Ving Rhames warns everyone about never turns up. The weather mostly consists of some light rain (not snow or hail) and some mild thunder and lightening. None of the brain dead characters realize that the weather actually isn’t that bad and that their chances of survival are better out in the rain than in the time traveling haunted house.

The casting is the movie’s strongest point which isn’t saying much. Val Kilmer’s mug adorns the poster, but he’s in the movie for all of five minutes, and he doesn’t do much acting here. In fact, I’m skeptical that the director even gave him a script. More likely, the crew just loaded Kilmer up on Peach Schnapps one afternoon and filmed the result without him ever knowing what was going on. Ving Rhames seems to be having a good time here, but everyone else fails to even register.

The cinematography is complete shit. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if these clowns shot the entire movie with natural lighting. That’s not always a bad idea, but it’s asinine when your entire film takes place at night in a three bedroom house. 90% of the movie consists of vague outlines of people stumbling around in the dark and whispering to each other.

Even if I cared about the proceedings, I wouldn’t be able to follow them because the film is completely incomprehensible. I spent so much time squinting and trying to figure out what was going on in each scene that I thought I was going to have an aneurysm, which honestly would have been a blessing because it would have prevented me from having to watch one more minute of this movie.

I would give 7 Below a rating of zero, but no movie starring Ving Rhames deserves a zero, even if it the production is just a crappy front for laundering dirty money.

Here is a link to Russell’s latest reviews: http://www.flesheatingzipper.com/author/russell/

‘The Lorax’ - #12 of 2012

Okay, so I haven’t seem very many 2012 films yet, so the rankings for the few I have seem are a bit clumped right now.   However, The Lorax’s third place ranking (at the time of this post... which was more accurately known as LAST PLACE) is merited, at least in the company of the other two films I have seen this year.  That said, I am pretty sure Salmon Fishing in The Yemen and The Hunger Games will maintain fairly high rankings, probably Top 25 or so…while I am confident The Lorax will fall like a brink. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think The Lorax will stay in last place… however by December, I am sure it will have a nice home in the mid to low range of my dynamic list for 2012.

I just don’t know where to begin.  It’s not a horrible movie.  It’s a perfectly fine children’s movie.  However… I just… erg… sigh.

Listen folks.  The problem with adapting Dr. Seuss is that there just isn’t enough source material to fill a feature length film, forcing filmmakers to stretch and add filler.  Sometimes the filler works. Sometimes it doesn't.

In Ron Howard’s version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the filler, in the form of the Grinch’s back-story and Jim Carrey antics, worked.  It totally worked.  And the reason it worked is that it stayed true to the endearing story and complimented the source material.

However… The Cat in the Hat did not work.  Sorry, Mike Myers, but it didn’t.  Honestly, there is no excuse for this movie because The Cat appears in so many of Dr. Seuss’ books and there is PLENTY of source material.  However, this film seemed to rely solely on potty humor and Alec Baldwin’s bizarre side plot.  There is nothing sweet or redeeming about this film.

On the other hand, Horton Hears a Who!, the third full length adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book totally worked and it is by far the best feature length version of Seuss.  Honestly, I know there is filler in this film, however it is so subtle and so perfectly meshed with the original story that it is almost impossible to see where the filmmakers departed from the source material.  I could be wrong, but I don’t even think they added anything.  I think the merely expanded what the book already offered without making too many radical thematic shifts.  And they didn’t even borrow from Horton Hatches the Egg like Broadway did with Suessical, The Musical in an effort to expand the tale of Horton.

And now we have the fourth full length Suess adaptation: The Lorax.  Made by the same animation studio that made Horton… however they missed the mark by neglecting to compliment the source material.  Sure, the basic story of The Lorax existed… reimagined quite a bit, but it existed.  However, the source material played a very minor role in the overall movie.  And while I understand what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish by centering the story around the boy who wants to hear the story of what happened to the trees, rather than the Onceler or The Lorax… it didn’t work for me.  It could have… but it didn’t.  Mainly because the futuristic plastic city where the boy lives felt more like a poorly made version of Meet the Robinsons and Robots.  It didn’t feel original.  And like the mistake made by The Cat in the Hat, this adaptation of The Lorax seemed to put more focus on plot points of its own invention rather than the beauty of the book that inspired it.  As I said before, I understand what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish, it just didn’t work.

I guess my point is this.  I have all of the Dr. Seuss animated television specials produced by MGM.  And when it comes to watching The Lorax I think we’re going to stick with the 1966 television version.     

Fun Fact: The Three Stooges (Original Cast)

Gather around kids!  It’s time for a Ridiculous Movie Fun Fact!

The original cast of this year’s The Three Stooges was originally set to be Benicio del Toro as Moe, Sean Penn as Larry, and Jim Carry as Curley. 

Seriously.

In any movie, I would consider this to be a DREAM CAST!  All three are so talented in such different ways.  In addition, for them to have the audacity to unite for the Farley Brother’s version of The Three Stooges is so hilariously wrong that I would have no choice but be giddy with uncontrollable excitement!  Just the cast announcement itself was enough to wet myself.

Somewhere, there is very smart casting director who knew what this movie needed to be a success and made it happen.  That’s right, I am serious!  I am not lying.  Del Torro, Penn, and Carry really WERE official attached to this film… together… at the same time… however; the amazing casting director who made the unthinkable happen must have the worst karma EVER! 

Sean Penn dropped out of the film to focus on rebuilding Haiti after the earthquake. 

Jim Carey dropped out when his doctor informed him that the desired 70 pound weight gain would be detrimental to his health… he had already gained 40 pounds for the part and was not interested in wearing a fat suit.  I believe Jim has been avoiding roles with heavy make-up components ever since The Grinch.

And honestly, I have no idea why Benicio del Toro dropped out… I can only assume he finally woke up and realized the project was a very, very…. very bad idea.

Seriously bad…

How does one define the depths of awful badness? 

Well… the cast of The Jersey Shore will be making cameos… so yeah… I think that defines the pit of badness.  This film might even be worse than The Musketeer.  Which I find hard to believe.

That said, when you talk about over-the-top comedies, ‘bad’ is a very hard things to define.  The Zucker Brothers, poorly received, homage to the Maxx Brothers, Brain Donors, starring the very established John Turtuorro, is one of my all time favorite comedies.  So, who knows. 

The Three Stooges is current #2 at the box office, which is nothing to sneeze at.  And with the films new, lesser known cast, the possibly for a franchise is much more realistic.  

However, could Benicio, Sean, and Jim have sold more tickets and secured Stooges #1 at the box office, dethroning The Hunger Games four week grip on the top spot?   Probably.  Casting is everything?

Remember Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie  Nemar with Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo?  Yeah… it was #1 for two weeks back in 1995.  I remember.  I was working at a movie theatre at the time and I couldn’t believe how people were lining up to see that movie.

Is 'Parada' Serbia's Chance to Win?

Is it way too early to make an Oscar prediction? Probably… but I’m going out on a limb here and make a very early prediction: Serbia will earn its first ever nomination for Best Foreign Film. Well, at least the first for post-Yugoslav Serbia. From 1958 – 1991, while Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Kosovo, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia, and Slovenia were united under the Yugoslavian flag they submitted films for Best Foreign Language Film 29 times, for which the garnered 6 actually nomination.

Croatia never missed a beat. The immediately began submitting films in 1992, just after declaring their independence in mid-1991, and they haven’t missed a year yet… however… they have not received a nomination.

Slovenia, who declared their independence the same day as Croatia, took a year off and begin submitting films in 1993. Since then, they have submitted films 15 times and, like Croatia, they have no nominations for show for it. Their latest attempt, in 2011, was thought to have a real shot, however it was disqualified due to a ‘clerical error.’

Macedonia, who declared their independence 3 months after Croatia and Slovenia, became the first former Yugoslav State to earn a nomination, and they did it on their first try in 1994. Since then, despite submitting 9 films, they have not received another nomination.

Seven months after Macedonia, Bosnia and Herzegovina declared their independence and, like Macedonia, submitted a film for the first time in 1994. They didn’t try again until 2001, when they not only received a nomination for No Man’s Land, but as won the Academy Award. The win not only made them the first former-Yugoslavian State to win the Academy Award, but also the first Balkan Nation, a statistic that includes other countries like Greece, Albania, and Bulgaria. Since their victory, Bosnia and Herzegovina had submitted 9 more films without receiving another nomination.

During most of this time, Serbia and Montenegro remained united (in one way or another) and submitted films 12 times and after 2006, when they separated, Serbia has been submitting their own films every year. Although, they made the January short-list in 2007, Serbia has never received an Academy Award nomination. And if you count every manifestation of the county (Yugoslavia, Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, Serbia & Montenegro, and just plain Serbia) they have tried and failed 48 times. I am pretty darn sure this is a record.

However, recently, one man has been associated with two of the last three Serbian submissions. His name is Srđan Dragojević. In 2009, Srđan directed their submission, St. George Shoots the Dragon. And in 2011, Srđan wrote their submission, Montevideo, God Bless You! And now, in 2012, Srđan is poised to represent Serbia yet again for a Parada, a film he wrote and directed. Not only is Parada the sleeper hit of the Balkans, having sold more tickets in Bosnia and Herzegovina than James Cameron’s Avatar, but it just received three awards at the Berlin International Film Festival.

So, what’s so special about Parada? Well… everything.

But I’m biased.

I lived in Belgrade, Serbia for two years and in that time I fell in love with the people and the culture. My wife and I loved it so much that when I was transferred to Pakistan for a year she decided to stay in Belgrade rather than move the kids back to the States. Serbia is a beautiful place and I feel fortunate to have lived there and equally as fortunate to have seen so much of Serbia’s neighbors as well: Croatia, Montenegro, Slovenia, and Macedonia, (a heartfelt apology goes to Bosnia and Herzegovina, we missed you the first time, but we’ll be back).

The interesting thing about my time in Belgrade, as a movie buff, was getting to spend time with Serbian movie buffs. And having some very frank conversations about Serbian film. First of all… Serbian films, on the norm, are very bleak and unhappy. And I totally understand why. The entire region has a very tough history. A violent history… from both the outside and from within. Serbia is not to most optimistic place in the world. However, the region, as a whole, has a tremendous heart and so much to give and I when it came to Serbia film, I would tell my friends, “Serbia has so much to say, but an international audience is never going to listen until you learn to laugh at yourselves. Serbia needs to make funny and relatable films about serious issues.”

True story, I had this conversation a lot. Now, I never met Srđan Dragojević, however I think we would have enjoyed many a pivo (beer) together, because what he has done with Parada is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Srđan has sculpted a funny and endearing story about Serbia’s struggle with ethnic and homosexual tolerance. And what makes it special, for us, is that my wife was actually in country during the event that serves as the stories backdrop… and the event was a very big deal.

Set in 2010, during Belgrade’s first successful Gay Pride Parade, Parada, follows Lemin, a homophobic, middle-aged, Serbia gangster, who is over his head planning the perfect wedding for his fiancé, ends up sacrificing himself to protect Gay freedom in his county, but only after Radmilo, a homosexual veterinarian, performs a life saving operation on Lemin’s pit-bull terrier. The chance encounter evolves into a deal. Lemin agrees to provide security to the participates at the Pride Parade and in return, Radmilo’s theatre director boyfriend, Mirko, will plan Lemin’s wedding. This deal sends Lemin and Radmilo on a trip all over former-Yugoslavia to recruit a ragtag bunch willing to help Lemin secure the parade; managing to sign up a Croat war veteran, a Bosnian Muslim, and an Albanian from Kosovo.

This might not sound like much… but having lived in the Balkans let me tell you… this is a hilarious concept. Sure, stereotypes abound in this film… but that’s what it’s all about. It about taking the time to laugh at yourself. And with the number of tickets being sold throughout the former-Yugoslav region, it looks like everyone really needed a good laugh. Check out the preview (beware… cussing is a pretty regular thing in Serbia):

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GziTmQJ0CtM)

I, for one, am VERY excited about following the success of this film. And I wish Parada and Srđan the best of luck for 2012!

For more information on Parada, check out their website: http://www.filmparada.com/EN/index.php

‘Salmon Fishing in The Yemen’ - #1 for 2012

I am very excited!  The 2012 Oscar race has cast-off nicely!  About a year ago I saw a little movie called Win Win and it stayed in my #1 spot for 2011 all year!  Does Salmon Fishing in The Yemen have the same kind of staying power?  Probably not.

Don’t get me wrong, I really liked the movie and it is totally worth seeing, however the ending feels pretty rushed… and a bit forced.  With all the wonderful things Salmon Fishing had going for it, they just weren’t able to do what Win Win did so masterfully: make their poignant and heartfelt ending look easy and natural. 

That said, my wife, Serena, who merely tolerates my movie addiction, liked it a lot… which is a huge compliment because she almost never likes anything.  About a month ago I attempted to show her two movies: Easy A and Once, and she asked for both to be turned off about ten minutes in.  Erg! So yeah, it is very hard to find movies she will actually like.  However, director Lasse Halstrom was totally my ace in the hole.  When I told Serena Salmon Fishing was directed by the same guy who directed Chocolat, her all-time favorite movies, she totally bought into my plans for date night.

The movie itself is a wonderfully quirky and joyous story about salmon fishing that touches on a number of much deeper issues like the war in Afghanistan and Terrorism… as well as much more personal issues like the loss of a loved one and a marriage of convenience.  There are four standout performances in this film, each actor and actress portraying characters with their own different baggage coming together to realize one common dream.

Best Actor: Ewan McGregor (#1 on the Dynamic List)

Well… at least Ewan is #1 for now… along with all the other folks earning a spot on my ‘Best Performances’ dynamic list for 2012.  Merely because it’s the first movie I’ve seen for the year!  But that doesn’t mean Ewan isn’t worthy.  If he wasn’t he wouldn’t be on the list at all! 

After the movie Serena and I talked for a bit.  I couldn’t help but reminisce a little.  I first took notice of Ewan in 1994 when I just happened to pick up an interesting little movie called Shallow Grave from the video store.  I took it home, watched it… and then called a bunch of my friends, showed it them… then called some more friends… I probably watched the movie about eight times over the course of the week long rental.  And I remember thinking… “who the heck is this Ewan McGregor guy?  He’s totally going to be someone… or at least he should!”  Two years later Trainspotting and Brassed Off were released and the rest is history.  Perhaps I reminisced because it’s been 18 years… and look how far he’s come since Shallow Grave.  Remarkable.

I also reminisce because Ewan is currently doing the best work of his career.  Beginners and Salmon Fishing are probably the best two performances of his career.  In Salmon Fishing he plays a fisheries expert for the British Government who is too smart for his own good and begrudgingly gets involved with the ridiculous Yemen salmon fishing project.  At the same time he is a dutiful husband in a somewhat stale marriage to a woman who gives him little to no attention.

His performance was so… so… pompous and judgmental… while also endearing and hopeful.  He carried over a lot of the quiet internalized pain he showed us in Beginners however he made it fresh… new… he was a completely different person.  Acting!

Best Actress: Emily Blunt (#1 on the Dynamic List)

You know?  I think I have a tendency to underestimate Emily quite a bit.  And that’s probably because she’s not always looking to bask in the proverbial spotlight of Hollywood.  She does voice over work, supporting roles, bit parts… leading roles in obscure period pieces no one sees.  But every once in a while she’s in something I really like.  Like The Great Buck Howard or Dan in Real Life and I remember… Huh… Emily isn’t just the poor man’s Anne Hathaway.

Emily Blunt is a subtle and dynamite actress.  And her nuanced performance in Salmon Fishing is the best I’ve seen from her so far.  She’s cute… while also totally believable as a finance manager whose boyfriend has been deployed to Afghanistan.  Her performance is very honest.  But this shouldn’t come as a surprise… after all, she is married to the king of subtle and nuanced performances: John Krasinski from The Office.

Emily actually has me excited about The Five-Year Engagement.

Best Supporting Actor: Amr Waked (#1 on the Dynamic List)

Thank you Amr!  Finally!  Finally!  Finally! We finally have a portrayal of a Middle Eastern man who is warm, courageous, and loveable.  Aka.  Not a terrorist. 

Now Amr is no stranger to playing darker side of Middle Eastern roles.  He played the big cheese terrorist is Syriana, however I wasn’t able to place him and make that connection while watching the Salmon Fishing.  And the only other film I had seen him in was Contagion, but I can’t even remember what role he played.

That said… this was the role of Amr’s life!  Amr breathed so much life into Sheikh Muhammad making his character’s own brushes with terrorism, Middle Eastern vs. Middle Eastern, all the more poignant and interesting.  If this film has been released after October Amr might had found himself with an Oscar nomination.

Best Supporting Actress: Kristin Scott Thomas (#1 on the Dynamic List)

Now, timing is everything when it comes to winning Oscars.  A year ago, last Spring, when Win Win came out I predicted that it wouldn’t get nominated for anything because of the timing of its released.  And I was right.  Spring releases don’t win awards.  The same goes for Salmon Fishing in The Yemen, which is really a shame… and the big loser here is Kristin Scott Thomas.  She… Is… PHENOMINAL!

Forget The English Patient, forget Gosford Park, forget Four Weddings and a Funeral, Nowhere Boy, Life as a House… forget them all.  Kristin’s performance as Bridget Maxwell, the British Prime Ministers equivalent to the President’s Press Secretary, is the greatest performance of her career!  BRAVO!

Finally, The Oscars Recap

I’ve been totally overloaded, or perhaps I’ve just been a bit burnt out… but I am finally back with my Oscar Recap.  A triumphant recap!

This is officially my third year making public Oscar predictions and in previous years I will admit it.  I have fallen into the amateur/blow-hard movie critic category; only picking about half correctly. 

However, this year, with my new non-emotional statistics based method of picking, I got a whopping 18 out of 24 categories correct and for the first time I’ve broken 100 points in my weighted pool… 105 out of 120 points to be exact and it is a new personal record:

Year	Correct Picks	Weighted Points
2012	18 of 24	105 of 120
2011	13 of 24	93 of 120
2010	12 of 24	98 of 120

As inconsequential as it may seem… this is a matter of pride because this year I bested many of the country’s top movie critics:

A.O. Scott from the New York Times and Richard Brody of the New Yorker only predicted 12 and 14 categories correct, respectively.

That said, I actually tied with the Los Angeles Times Golden Derby and based on what I have been able to find, I only lost to two major players:

Melena Ryzik from the New York Times and Ben Zauzmer, a student at Harvard University.  Now, Melena was the big winner with 20 out of 24 predictions correct.  However my loss to Ben is much more interesting.  Without realizing it, Ben and I had actually adopted a very similar approach: calculating the statistical correlations between winners of other movie awards (like the Golden Globes and BAFTAs) and past Oscar winner.  Ben only beat me by 1 pick and our picks are eerily similar.  However, he only published 20 categories on his website… and of those 20 he only got 15 correct.  And of those 20 I had gotten 16 correct.  The 4 categories not posted are Make-Up and all three short films.  I got 2 of those correct, so he must have gotten all 4.  Crazy!

I feel like an Oscar rock star… and hopefully my success will give my little blog some clout.

Okay, so here is how my picks came together:

5 Point Picks, aka The ‘Winners’

The Artist = Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best original Score, and Costume Design.  I think these were easy picks.

The Iron Lady  = Best Make-Up and Best Actress.  Both of these were last minute changes and I am very happen about them.  For the longest time I thought Harry Potter would win Make-Up and Viola Davis of The Help would win Best Actress… however those picks did not sit well with me and I made last minute changes… the RIGHT changes!

Beginners = Christopher Plummer’s win for Supporting Actor was the easiest pick of the night.

The Help = Octavia Spencer’s win for Supporting Actress was the second easiest pick of the night.

Midnight in Paris = Woody Allen’s win for Original Screenplay was also expected.  It’s such a good movie!

The Descendants = I figured these guys would pick up the Oscar for Adapted Screenplay, however I still think Moneyball should have won.

Rango = Best Animated Film.  No contest.

A Separation = Best Foreign Film.  No contest.

The Shore = Best Live Action Short!!!  I love getting the short films right, even if I only get one.  They are such crap shoots. 

The Muppets = Best Original Song.  This was my very first prediction of the year… and it was a solid win.

Hugo = Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, and Art Direction.  I’m thrilled!

4 Point Picks, aka The ‘Runner-Ups’

I only missed 6 categories this year… however… oddly enough… none of my Runner-Up (2^nd place) picks ended up winning!  I totally missed the mark on the following six Oscar races.

3 Point Picks, aka The ‘Wild Cards’

Hugo = Cinematography and Visual Effects.  I was very surprised at these… especially Visual Effects.  This is the first time a movie using Visual Effects in a ‘Supporting Role’ as deemed by the Society for Visual Effects has won the Oscar.  That said, I rewatched Hugo a few days ago with a keener eye.  Although the visual effects are certainly supporting… they abound.  They go far beyond the train crash and add so much substance; from the constant presence of clock works and steam, to the automaton dream sequence.  The Visual Effect work in Hugo is simply brilliant and deserving.  Also, I finally saw Tree of Life which I predicted would win Cinematography (based solely on statistics), however the movie is way too deep for me and found it unwatchable.  I am very happy Hugo won.

Saving Face = Best Documentary Short.  I should have known.  After spending a year in Pakistan I should have picked it.  I was already familiar with the doctors profiled in this film and the efforts were a pretty big deal while I was there… I just wasn’t sure how the short would resonate with Oscar voters.  I guess it did.  Opps.

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore = Best Animated Short.  Yeah, this was a total crapshoot category.  I feel fortunate for, at least, getting 3 points out of the deal.

2 Point Pick, aka The ‘Unlikely’

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo = Best Film Editing.  Who knew?  The math was not supporting this back to back win for Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter.  The guys from Harvard actually ranked them in last place!  But they did boil down a enormous book into a strong narrative and that is talent.

1 Point Pick, aka ’No Change in Hell’

Undefeated = This year’s Best Documentary Feature gets the last laugh on me this year.  And thankfully they’re the ONLY ‘No Chance in Hell’ pick that slipped through the cracks.  Next year I intend to do better.

I Already Miss You Davy Jones

Hello everyone.  I’ve actually been gearing up for my Post Oscars Recap… but I was derailed by the passing of Davy Jones.  And I need to honor him before I do anything else.

I have been a fan of The Monkees since before I can remember.  They are and will always be my favorite band.  A few years ago I even had the pleasure of spending the day with Davy Jones.  He is a very nice man and I have a lot of respect for him… and his passing has sparked emotions I haven’t dealt with before.  Not even when Bob Hope passed away.  It’s probably because I have actually met Davy… and unlike a lot of the celebrities I’ve met, he was actually a real person… not just a caricature of himself.  I now know how some people felt when Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston passed… I hadn’t until now.

I wasn’t following the news when it happened yesterday… however, three friends contacted me via email, instant message, and by telephone almost simultaneously… so I’m pretty sure I found out as soon as the story leaked… and since then I have been sharing my Monkees memories as tributes on facebook.

Here they are:

Monkees Tribute #1:  I was first introduced to the Monkees when I was 9 years old, when Nickelodeon started reairing the series.  I remember it coming on at 3:30pm… and I was so obsessed that my mom would let me postpone my homework until after the show.  And I also remember my brother coming in one day saying, “What are you watching?”    Me: “The Monkees.”  Him: “Why?”  Me: “It’s my favorite show… they are my favorite band.”  Him: “How can they be your favorite band?  I beat you don’t even know their names.”  Without missing a beat I looked at him, “Davy, Mikey, Peter, and Mike… they’re my favorite band.”

Monkees Tribute #2:  When I was 10 years old, I earned a reward of some sort… probably for doing some chores or getting a good report card.  My parents probably figured I would get a toy like normal… but I asked if I could go to Turtles to get a Monkees album.  They were surprised and not surprised all at the same time.  A couples days later my mom took me to the old Turtles location on Canton Road (Marietta)… I remember, because we normally went to the Merchants Walk Turtles.  Anyway, when I told the man behind the counter what I wanted he asked, “New or old?”  I said, “The original.”  It was my first album.  It was a cassette of this album: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkees_Greatest_Hits

Monkees Tribute #3:  When I was 12 years-old I had gone on a trip to Florida with my church.  By the time I returned my brother and dad had already left for Band Camp… so only my mom was on hand to greet the bus.  We got my stuff and got in my car and then she asked, “So, would you be interested in going to a concert with me?”  Me:  “What concert?”  Her:  “The Monkees.”  Me:  “Are you serious?”  Her:  “Yes.”  Me:  “You mean in person?  Of course I would want to go.”  She handed me an envelope and said, “Good, I already got the tickets, I hope tomorrow night is good for you.”   “The Monkees Summer Tour” at the Six Flags over Georgia’s Southern Star Amphitheatre was my first concert.

Monkees Tribute #4:  When I was 14 years old my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  I told her I wanted “The Listen to the Band”, The Monkees’ four disc box set of almost 80 songs.  When my mom found out it cost almost $100.00 she balked… asking me if I was sure.  “This would be the bulk of my Christmas budget for you… are you sure you just want music?”  I said “Yes, I’m sure.”  About a week before Christmas my mother let me know that I shouldn’t get too excited.  She was having a lot of trouble finding the set, which had come out eight months before.  A couple music stores told her it wasn’t really something they keep in stock and would have to special order it… it would take about a month.  However… on Christmas morning guess what was under the tree?  That’s right.  “Listen to the Band”.  In one final effort mom started calling every record shop in Atlanta and finally found one across town a couple days before Christmas who was willing to hold it for her.  She bought it on Christmas Eve.  I have had those discs for twenty years and have since ripped them to mp3’s.  I am listening to them now.  Thanks mom!  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Listen_to_the_Band  

Monkees Tribute #5:  When I was 20 years old and living in Charleston, SC my best friend from Atlanta, Jeff Costello, called me.  “Hey, The Monkees are playing Chastain Amphitheatre in October and I’m getting you tickets for your birthday… so you better get you’re a—down here!”  I was thrilled!  “Of course I’m coming!”  There was never any question in my mind.  Oddly enough… about a week later I auditioned for a play what was scheduled to open, in Charleston, a week after the concert.  I was upfront and listed the concert as a potential rehearsal conflict.  I was cast anyway and everyone quickly forgot about my conflict.  About a week before the concert a revised rehearsal schedule came out coving the time I was going to be gone.  When I reminded everyone of my trip, no one could believe I was going to take off for a Monkees concert.  Having worked on over 50 shows, I always put the show first… however I was pretty unapologetic this time because I had listed the weekend of the concert as a conflict when I auditioned.  In the end… I was fired from the show… the first and only time I had ever been fired.  However… Jeff had gotten us great seats and I got to see The Monkees for a second time!  So I still ended up the big winner!

Monkees Tribute #6:  When I was 26 The Monkees FINALLY entered my Vinyl collection.  I started collecting records at a very early age when my dad gave me all of his old 45s.  When I was in High School, I took over my parents LP collection when they switched to CDs.  And that was around the time I really started collecting.  However, I could never seem to find a The Monkees… or at least one in good condition.  Until one day, while working at The Art Place, a co-work came in and said, “I was at a yard sale this weekend and I could help thinking about you?”  Me:  “Really?  Why?”  Her:  “Consider this an early birthday present.  And then she handed an original pressing mint condition Vinyl copy of The Monkees FIRST EVER album:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkees_(album)

Monkees Tribute #7:  When I was 27 years-old I spent an entire day with Davy Jones.  It was announced that Davy Jones would be performing at the Mable House Amphitheatre, which, like The Art Place, is owned by Cobb County.  Knowing my affection for The Monkees, Elizabeth Weaver and Nelah Gabler, asked if I would like to be Davy’s driver for the day.  We always provided transportation in-house for performances… so this wasn’t too strange… but I was put on the list to drive Davy before it went public to the rest of the staff.  The day of the concert I picked up Davy and his band up from their hotel and took them to sound check… and then just hung out through dinner, the concert, and meet and greet.  Having met a few arrogant celebrities I can say this: Davy Jones was/is a very nice, classy, and a generous man.  I didn’t have any long conversations with him… but he was always very welcoming and engaged.  He put on a great solo performance and afterwards, as we were exiting the amphitheatre, well after the show ended, he asked me to pull over.  I hadn’t noticed her, but Davy saw a woman hanging-out alone in the parking lot close to the employees entrance/exit.  He rolled down the window playfully saying, “Hello darling, are you waiting for me?”  He chatted with her for a couple minutes, signed some autographs for her, kissed her hand, and then we were back on the road.  Classy.  When I dropped him off at this hotel I helped his band unload their stuff out of the van.  I hadn’t noticed, but Davy had stuck around.  When everything was unloaded Davy walked up to me, shook my hand, looked me right in the eye and said, “Thank you very much.”  And I said, “No, thank you.  It has been a pleasure.”  

Monkees Tribute #8:  Last night I cued you the first two episodes of The Monkees on youtube and after dinner Grayson and I settled in to watch. I wish his introduction to my first favorite TV Show and Band had been a more joyous occasion… however, it could not have been more special. After the first episode Grayson started chanting “Hurray! I love The Monkees, I love the Monkees! Dad can we stay up and watch another one.” Me: “Of course we can.” I don’t think anyone would have predicted the last impact of them… what with a 34 and 6 year-old in 2012 being thurally entertained. Davy, thank you for a wonderful life… I just wish you would have stood up a bit more often.

Monkees Tribute #9: I’m now 34… And it has been 25 years since I told my brother that The Monkees were my favorite band… and 25 years later… they still are.  Over the last few years it feels like there has been a string of high profile celebrity deaths that have rocked the music industry.  Although shocking… I never felt emotionally attached to any of them.  However, I feel emotional attached to Davy’s passing... having a chance to reflect on all the great memories after all these years.  I also appreciate all the respectful coverage on his passing.  As a Monkees fan I am used to the jokes and chides about the band… the questions like, “Of all the groups, why the Monkees?”  So today… it means so much that Davy’s passing isn’t going unnoticed.  The truth is, The Monkees made a contribution… and they will not go forgotten… at least not in my household… where I am raising two more Monkee Manics!  Peace Davy!  See you later!  And please… for the love of everything holy… STAND UP! 

PS: Mickey, Peter, and Mike… please take a good look at my profile picture… if you see me approach on the street I’ll just want to give you a hug, say ‘thank you’, and go merely on my way.